Of peaches and fake chocolate.

Dear Doc,

I have suffered a Doughnut Downfall. And I did it for science.

No, really, I did it intentionally. I wanted to consciously eat something I desperately wanted and see if it did, in fact, live up to my craving.

I am discouraged today. The fatigue I have on a regular basis is really bad today. As in, I-slept-14-hours-and-am-still-fighting-to-keep-my-eyes-open. It's one thing if you're craving something sweet and worthless (Let's call that a Sweet Nothing) when you can get up and go for a walk or run some errands or do something to distract yourself. It's an extra challenge when you can barely get yourself out of bed without the assistance of a forklift and an obscenity-screaming drill sergeant.

To add to that, I'm particularly stressed out. A friendship I have seems to be crumbling into pieces, and my cat has something wrong with his kidneys. He had a vet appointment this afternoon.

So, as I was trying to get up, chase him around and manhandle him into the cat carrier, I spied those stupid doughnuts. Would those make me feel better?

I sat down with the bag and ate two. Then two more, then four more. And all the while, I was taking mental notes. My conclusions:

1) Do these taste good?
No.

2) What do they taste like?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. A slight hint of fake chocolate.

3) Am I still exhausted?
Yes.

4) Did I feel calmer after eating the doughnuts?
Yes.

Yes? Why did I feel calmer? I did, though. And I don't know why. Note to self: Ask Dr. L. why that could possibly be the case.

After dropping my cat off at the animal hospital, where he will remain for a day or maybe two while they run tests, I spied a summer fruit stand.

I have been stalking this fruit stand for weeks now, waiting for it to open. And there it was. And it had peaches. I have been dreaming about peaches for weeks, ever since seeing an episode of "Good Eats" that featured the beautiful fruit. But we seem to be in a peach recession. I don't know what's going on down there in Peach Country, but they have not been sending their wares to the Midwest. (Or, at least, not to the stores where I've been shopping.) My need for peaches was getting desperate.

But alas, there they were. I cackled like a lunatic, handed over all the money I had with me, and made off with my peaches. And some cucumbers. And some green beans. (I avoided the potatoes. "White isn't right," ya know.)

Even as I was snarfing my peach, I was asking myself questions:

1) Does this taste good?
Yes.

2) Is it high-sugar?
No.

3) Does it make you feel like you are making a good choice?
Yes.

4) Are you in control of what goes into your body?
YES. Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

I just have to keep telling myself that. I am in control. That's a big part of it, isn't it?

Sincerely,
Your longwinded patient,
Heather